Do America a Favor: Do Not Vote for John Edwards

How can a man like John Edwards be a good president when he pays $400 for a haircut? Anybody that spends their own money so frivolously cannot be trusted to spend the money of American citizens. If John Edwards becomes president, $55,619.04 in taxes will be used over the course of his presumably 8 years in the White House for his $400 haircuts. That is, of course, assuming that the North Carolina senator follows the meterosexual-sanctioned hair care regiment of a hair cut and styling ever 3 weeks over the course of his 8 years in office.

Moreover, while John Edwards has good intentions with his stance on healthcare reform, his proposed avenue of bringing the American people healthcare reform is ludicrous. In a recent speech, Edwards asserted that if he were elected president, he would deprive all members of Congress healthcare until they pass his universal healthcare plan. How could this communist simply leave 540 civil servants without healthcare? The American people must not endorse this sort of rhetoric from such a fear-mongering GQ-wannabe.

John Edwards’ influence on the War on Terror may be the one reason the American people ought to elect John Edwards to be their next president. Before George W. Bush took office in 2000, U.S. relations with Islamic extremists were tranquil. However, with the election of an Antidisestablishmentarianist such as George Bush, Islamic extremists perceived the citizens of the world’s most powerful country to be legitimizing Western Christian values… no wonder why Islamic extremists slaughtered 3,000 people on September 11, 2001.

However, over the past two presidential elections, college students have turned out to vote in record numbers and the influence of college voters is anticipated to increase in 2008. Conveniently enough for John Edwards, recent polls show that the college vote is swinging in his favor as college students are not buying the “I will make a good president simply because I am a woman/I am black” rhetoric being put forth by Hillary and Barack. With atheism on college campuses becoming as fashionable as avoiding eye contact or refusing to acknowledge one’s presence as they pass you on State Street, college students casting votes for John Edwards will reverse the harm done to U.S.-Middle Eastern relations over the past 7 years as receiving the college vote will lead Edwards to be perceived as anti-Christian by Islamic-extremists; certainly a step in the right direction to nullifying the tension between the Christian West and the Islamic Middle East.

Though Edwards’ influence on U.S. foreign relations with the Middle East may appear as significant justification for voting for him, he still comes up short on the domestic front. In a recent speech by Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Shilling, Shilling points out that, “Edwards, and all liberals for that matter, lack the ability to evoke nationalist undertones in the American people," something that Shilling claims, is "necessary during trying times.” Shilling stated, "the American people ought to vote for Fred Thompson because 2 out of 3 country singers intend on voting for Thompson.” Shilling commented that, “Country singers – a sect of artists also known as ‘God’s Chorus’ and ‘Uncle Sam’s Entourage’ – have a knack for inculcating patriotism within Americans.”

As you can now see, a vote for John Edwards is a vote for the demise of America. Make the right decision in 2008 and reject John Edwards' bid for the American presidency.